Work - me, work ?  The little old lady in the corner who never got to be boss ?

I'm waiting for another 'sorry but someone's better than you but wow thanks for applying; so much competition; wish could employ you all' letter; but meanwhile, now that i have all of my 'stuff' in one place I realise i couldnt possibly read all the books, use all the paper pens pencils paints etc, and play all the music .... if i didnt stay home for a while.

And it occured to me this morning, sifting through what isnt easily put-able away or diaries from 1983 just before i went into 'administrative support' (then termed 'secretary' or 'typist') work; all my youthful dreams of being 'famous' - ie working as an artist; it was a huge part of my life and i've kept the remnants of it.  I open notebook after notebook of writings and drawings.  I imagined that i'd write in my last will and testament that they should be burnt with me; but i havent done that so far (ahem).

So what to do ?  Well yesterday i held a paintbrush again and felt that feeling of quietude when you add colour to a canvas; an idea.  And this morning i though i really must start that last edit of that first book.  My ideals have gone down; being 'famous' has been uncovered as an aweful burden and now not wanted.  Now it's more 99%.  Electronic media and software no longer have me snobby about using low grade paints or paper; it's a question of throughout my life i have collected and kept lots of materials; and it is now a point in my life where, if i'm careful, i can keep myself and use them all.  And i can also assist my body to prepare for the old age part of my life; it deserves it from what my diaries say - the youthful time it had i was paranoid about being ugly and fat and that controlled my emotions and temper to the point of sadness.  I hardly ever feel sad now.

So I'm not going to sweat about not working; a job will come and i'll find ways of selling stuff; whether it be possessions or what i've created.

And, in a few years, in my early sixties; I'll find an ideal job that joins me up, so to speak.  However ... i MAY get that fabulous phone call tomorrow morning.

Decided today to go through a few of the wine and food ideas that come to me living in this area, where i am minutes away from a bustling main road with wine and food from all over the world.

With wines; i often dont know what i'm looking for ... i tend to judge by price; label; name; and 'feel'.  Also i am older and wiser and more importantly aware of my body's falibilities; so between the lines i dont indulge.  My drinking is moderate; i enjoy red and white wine, and champagne - so i have just been to the wine store and bought a bottle of each of the wines; and a pack of small champagne bottles - i think they're called piccolo.

Today's wine i choose because his Dad perfected it in the year i was born; it also got Green Award and is Spanish.  I'm sure the plastic bull that hangs off the label didnt influence me choosing it!  They are the Torres Family.  I'm hoping this half-glass puts me into a small sleep :-)

In the food category, i've recently started buying frozen berries.  They are quite cheap and i put a handful from each pack - at the moment blackberries, raspberries and mixed; in a bowl and cover it with a plate or something (dont like plastic wrap) and then add something like maple syrup (a natural sugar) and by dinner time add yoghurt and voila dessert!   It makes sense as often the 'fresh' ones have mouldy ones cos they have been on the display for a few days.  

What i found surprising is that the berries are imported yet it is such a simple process; pick, pack, freeze!

For tomorrow's dessert I am going to make the ends of my home-made bread into a bread-and-butter pudding.... so instead of photographing the ends of this particular loaf i'll wait until it's in the pudding.

Reading a few books at once when i have the urge : two on voice : one on sex : one on advertising : and then I was staring at the Acropochrypa and started that. But mainly trying to get over not being able to sort papers in this front room so that it is totally tidy.... some of us just seem to be pile-creators !

Half-way through a little book called 'The Bitch at Work' by Elizabeth Hills (2007) from the library where i went to get a book on Access and reserve a book i could see from the online catalogue was two weeks late back. It's a quiet Saturday .... i've made it so. Said i needed time to work out when i would be at the pub under the changed circumstances; because no way in the world did i want to end up drinking more than before. That decision is made easier by the weather - most of my drinking buddies also smoke and so they sit outside in the beer garden.

I'd already read through Paul Arden's 'Whatever You Think Think the Opposite.' (2006) which was momentous from its description of the fosbury flop; a fabulous denigration of meetings (p72) and a very timely message on p.104. I love these 'quirky' books from these terribly successful creative directors and our library seems to love them too. In a while i'll go back to the morning's paper to read the articles that i kept the paper for, instead of leaving in the coffee shop where i had breakfast. I created and started inputting into the access book catalogue then shut the door on that for the day hours ago. The sun's been out with an indication of iciness in the wind but that just means you can say 'gosh it must be cold in Canberra then'.

Seeing at it was 2008 the last time i blogged and now it's 2011, i guess things are moving along - as they do. And I aim to post regularly for quite a while. Wasnt even sure if my blog still existed !

last book read was Isadore Brodsky's "Sydney Looks Back"... written mid20thC looking back on the days when Sydney sure sounded fun!!! Gee it was a good read! I kept thinking 'there's a movie in here' ... and it has influenced me a lot. I must read more of his stuff and around it. I mean i was crossing over Broadway and came onto the pedestrian island with all the other people who were mainly facing and travelling in the same direction as me - when i started to impress upon myself, after looking at young ones laughing and carrying on - come on you were that young on this island once ... try to remember back ... yet i was so mucked up in those days that's all - at present - that i remember ;-... lol. Life is SO much better now. Anyway - it's a good book.

Watching some cartoon on Hercules, and have Ian McEwan's On Chesil Beach : both of which show my current fascination with Photoshop in that i look at the cover design and the cartoon drawing and go what program did that!   Have had a bit of a break from here as you can see as I have been blogging on bnet as i rejoined them last year. This Hercules cartoon is pretty cute !

My dad writes academic stuff, and so when i eventually started to read - anyway, so i got an interest in the Voynich manuscript, and will update and this post when i've read a bit more or finished both Kennedy &Churchill and Goldstone and Goldstone on that subject. My eyes are too tired right now!!!