Work - me, work ? The little old lady in the corner who never got to be boss ?
I'm waiting for another 'sorry but someone's better than you but wow thanks for applying; so much competition; wish could employ you all' letter; but meanwhile, now that i have all of my 'stuff' in one place I realise i couldnt possibly read all the books, use all the paper pens pencils paints etc, and play all the music .... if i didnt stay home for a while.
And it occured to me this morning, sifting through what isnt easily put-able away or diaries from 1983 just before i went into 'administrative support' (then termed 'secretary' or 'typist') work; all my youthful dreams of being 'famous' - ie working as an artist; it was a huge part of my life and i've kept the remnants of it. I open notebook after notebook of writings and drawings. I imagined that i'd write in my last will and testament that they should be burnt with me; but i havent done that so far (ahem).
So what to do ? Well yesterday i held a paintbrush again and felt that feeling of quietude when you add colour to a canvas; an idea. And this morning i though i really must start that last edit of that first book. My ideals have gone down; being 'famous' has been uncovered as an aweful burden and now not wanted. Now it's more 99%. Electronic media and software no longer have me snobby about using low grade paints or paper; it's a question of throughout my life i have collected and kept lots of materials; and it is now a point in my life where, if i'm careful, i can keep myself and use them all. And i can also assist my body to prepare for the old age part of my life; it deserves it from what my diaries say - the youthful time it had i was paranoid about being ugly and fat and that controlled my emotions and temper to the point of sadness. I hardly ever feel sad now.
So I'm not going to sweat about not working; a job will come and i'll find ways of selling stuff; whether it be possessions or what i've created.
And, in a few years, in my early sixties; I'll find an ideal job that joins me up, so to speak. However ... i MAY get that fabulous phone call tomorrow morning.
I'm waiting for another 'sorry but someone's better than you but wow thanks for applying; so much competition; wish could employ you all' letter; but meanwhile, now that i have all of my 'stuff' in one place I realise i couldnt possibly read all the books, use all the paper pens pencils paints etc, and play all the music .... if i didnt stay home for a while.
And it occured to me this morning, sifting through what isnt easily put-able away or diaries from 1983 just before i went into 'administrative support' (then termed 'secretary' or 'typist') work; all my youthful dreams of being 'famous' - ie working as an artist; it was a huge part of my life and i've kept the remnants of it. I open notebook after notebook of writings and drawings. I imagined that i'd write in my last will and testament that they should be burnt with me; but i havent done that so far (ahem).
So what to do ? Well yesterday i held a paintbrush again and felt that feeling of quietude when you add colour to a canvas; an idea. And this morning i though i really must start that last edit of that first book. My ideals have gone down; being 'famous' has been uncovered as an aweful burden and now not wanted. Now it's more 99%. Electronic media and software no longer have me snobby about using low grade paints or paper; it's a question of throughout my life i have collected and kept lots of materials; and it is now a point in my life where, if i'm careful, i can keep myself and use them all. And i can also assist my body to prepare for the old age part of my life; it deserves it from what my diaries say - the youthful time it had i was paranoid about being ugly and fat and that controlled my emotions and temper to the point of sadness. I hardly ever feel sad now.
So I'm not going to sweat about not working; a job will come and i'll find ways of selling stuff; whether it be possessions or what i've created.
And, in a few years, in my early sixties; I'll find an ideal job that joins me up, so to speak. However ... i MAY get that fabulous phone call tomorrow morning.
posted by Unknown at 11:00 am
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