Sometimes when people avoid you it's not a paranoid reaction that makes me wonder why but genuine concern. But it's also letting go - they obviously avoid you because they're happier that way.

There was a huge conservatism, and i was still in mourning and a happier friendlier maybe less jokey me seems to be re-emerging. I have, this year, made strong efforts to avoid/ostracise people myself : for various reasons - including giving up drinking inordinate amount of alcohol as relaxation; one's enough. Also an almost cruel way of trying to change another's mindset that was becoming unbearable. I tell, get it out and therefore can appear negative; but actually it's not, and i am happier and easier to be without pretending.

I am very at peace at the moment, with myself. Enjoyment. Almost reading a fun maths book for relaxation. Peopl politics suits some people and not others.

The person who drew this hasn't talken to me for years, but i remembered this when i was reading about borderline personality disorder and just found it in an old book (selected writings of mahatma gandhi which i havent read right through but which has a favourite clip in) Looking back, all i needed was someone to take the weight off my body, literally, as i did myself decades later; my self-image conflicted with my mirror-image. Then just now i was wondering whether i've always had problems with that in one way or another, but by now the goods outweigh the bads and i don't care anymore.... about that.